could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
