I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
