is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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