All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
