piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
