i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
