so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
