Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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