Cold hands, warm shart.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
