I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
