forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
