Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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