terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The uberlube is also flammable
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
