i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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