I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
