i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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