I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
