Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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