it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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