I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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