I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
