Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
