I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
