...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
