Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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