we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Randomize
