I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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