How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
