onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
