Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
