I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
