I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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