Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
