everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
