exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
