Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
