i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I believe in your delicious
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
