Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
