I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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