While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
