i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
