Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
