What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
