she was so not down for the gang bang
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
