your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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