This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
