My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
