I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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