Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
