I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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