Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
