i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
