Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
