Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
