i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
