you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
