If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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