I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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