Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the day after is always just damage control
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
